I have absolutely no idea yet
by monotone
Summary: Xander has a secret and somewhere there is a prophecy waiting to happen. (Read the warnings)


TITLE: (I have absolutely no idea yet)  
AUTHOR: monotone , monotonesaga@lycos.com  
RATING: PG-13  
PAIRING: not clear yet  
SUMMARY: Xander has a secret and somewhere there is a prophecy waiting   
to happen.  
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters are mine, I just wanted to play.  
WARNING: *sigh* not really for this part but as it hopefully progresses  
there will be slash, mpreg, mention of child abuse, angst, minor character  
death.   
  
  
****  
  
  
It all started on the night of his tenth birthday when he noticed a  
pain in his lower abdomen. He didn't think much about it that night  
because it had been a miserable birthday and pain wasn't exactly new  
to him. He just curled and fell asleep.  
  
When he woke up the next morning the pain was still there but now it  
was more like a dull ache. He wondered about it, thinking he might  
be sick but since it was hardly noticeable unless he thought about  
it, he decided to ignore it. Telling his mother wasn't an option, as  
she'd tell his father, which would mean attention he didn't want.  
Thinking it was just a little stomachache he got up, went to meet up  
with Jesse and together they went to school.  
  
When the pain didn't leave for two weeks he started to get worried.  
Something was happening inside him; it felt like something was  
shifting and that feeling was always followed with a burning  
sensation. Some nights it would be so bad that he cried himself to  
sleep.  
  
One night after enduring the pain for two weeks he decided he needed  
to tell his mother. He hoped she would take him to the doctor and if  
he was lucky maybe she wouldn't tell his father. That night the  
shifting sensation stopped, but the burning intensified and actually  
moved lower in his abdomen. An itch started behind his balls and he  
was ready to go tell his mother right then but an escalating burning  
stopped him. He started squirming on his bed and wished feverently  
for it all to go away. It didn't, instead an extreme pain behind his  
balls joined with the burning and for several moments he was sure he  
was going to split in two. Burying his face in the pillow and biting  
his arm to stop a scream from erupting, he passed out.  
  
The first thing he noticed upon waking was his pain free state. When  
he ran his hand carefully over his abdomen he just noticed a bit of  
tenderness. The absence of pain made him smile and he made to get  
out of bed. That was when he noticed the soreness between his legs  
and he realized his joy was premature. Remembering that he'd felt  
like he was going to split he tentatively brushed his finger behind  
his balls. Expecting to find nothing more than the wrinkly skin that  
had always been there he gasped in surprise when his fingers came  
upon some very sensitive skin folds. He immediately jerked his hand  
back. Something was wrong.  
  
Wanting nothing than to curl up and cry he reached between his legs  
once again. He was just as surprised when he felt the folds of skin  
this time, but didn't jerk his hand back. Taking a deep breath he  
explored this new thing on his body with his fingers. The skin was  
soft and when he pushed his fingers deeper against what appeared to  
a slit he felt moisture and something warm coiled in his stomach  
when he stroked gently. and that made him jerk his hand back once  
more. He panted hard trying to not panic, he needed to find out what  
it was and to do that he needed control over his thoughts.  
  
Thinking about what he knew about human anatomy he got off the bed  
to find a mirror. He had a suspicion but he needed to *see* to know.  
He desperately hoped with all he was that his suspicion was wrong  
because he *didn't* want it to be true. Aside from that it just  
couldn't be possible, could it? Finding a mirror among his mother's  
toiletries in the bathroom he snuck back into his room put the  
mirror on the floor and squatted over it. He struggled a bit to see  
clearly and when he did, he fell straight on his bottom in shock.  
  
He was a *girl*.  
  
He might only be ten years old, but he *knew* what girl parts  
looked like and they looked like that slit, like those folds of skin  
behind his balls. As he struggled with this realization he crawled  
back into bed and curled up under the covers. Maybe he was still  
asleep and having a strange dream?  
  
He pinched himself and winced at the pain. No not a dream. Staring  
at the slight bruising forming where he'd pinched himself, he  
realized that he'd turned into a freak. Ten years old boys didn't  
change like he had. Someone would have told him if it was; Jesse  
would have told him because Jesse was his best friend and they never  
hid anything from each other.  
  
The thought of Jesse brought fear with. Would Jesse still be his  
friend now? Would Willow? Would *anyone* want to be his friend at  
all now that he was a freak? He didn't think so. He couldn't tell  
anyone -- *ever*. With that thought in his mind he cried himself to  
sleep once again.  
  
*  
  
Sometime in the afternoon he woke up feeling disoriented. Wasn't he  
supposed to have been to school today? He was sure of it, so why was  
he still in bed? The memory of his discoveries came back to him and  
for a moment he thought about burying himself under the covers and  
never getting out of the bed again. But that really wasn't an option  
- sooner or later Jesse would come knocking on the door asking for  
him and he would have to face his father yelling at him for not  
going at school. He would probably get a thorough beating too.  
  
Listening for sounds downstairs he only heard the TV and it was safe  
to assume that his mother had passed out. He would be able to sneak  
out before his father got home. That decided he got out of bed,  
dressed and made his way outside. He needed to find out more about  
his change so a trip to the library was in order.  
  
The short walk to the library was awkward as there was still a bit  
of soreness between his legs. When he finally entered the cool,  
quiet sanctuary of the library he sighed in relief. He liked  
spending time here and he did so often. The days he couldn't spend  
with Jesse or Willow were spent at the library. It was a perfect  
place for him to escape home. The library wasn't particularly big,  
but it had lots of fantasy novels and an excellent selection of  
comics. He smiled faintly at the memory of many afternoons spent  
curled up in a quiet hid away corner in section where the children's  
books were. Remembering why he was here, he looked around feeling a  
bit lost. He had no idea of where he should start looking.  
  
"Hello Xander. What have you come to read today?" A cheery voice  
behind him asked.  
  
Startled he twirled around to see the librarian, Nina, looking at  
him with that smile of hers that made everyone want to smile too, on  
her round face. He liked Nina. Sometimes he wondered if she was an  
angel, a cherub. She certainly looked the part in his eyes, she was  
short and chubby, had blond wavy hair, blue eyes and round rosy  
cheeks. The wings were all that was missing. And she always  
recommended the best fantasy books. Xander gave her a bright smile  
while he tried to think of something to say.  
  
"Hi Nina. I .. Uhmm.. There's this project I have to do for school."  
He started.  
  
"Oh? Sounds exciting. What's it about?"  
  
"Well. It's about the human body and I'm supposed to find out  
about... " He trailed off, he didn't know if there even was a word  
for what he needed to know right now.  
  
"Yes? Tell me and I'll see if I can't help you."  
  
"Don't remember what it was called." He said awkwardly. "A person  
who has boy parts and girl parts?"  
  
"Oh!" Nina exclaimed. "Hermaphrodites?"  
  
Xander breathed a bit easier, if there was a word for it, it had to  
mean that he wasn't the only one. "Yeah I think that was it."  
  
Nina tapped a finger against her cheek as she looked around the  
library. After a minute or two she said:  
  
"I don't think we actually have any books about real life  
hermaphrodites as it's viewed as a disorder and those born with both  
sex organs usually goes through a lot of tests to determine their  
sex and then have surgery to correct their condition."  
  
A heavy ball settled in his stomach as she continued.  
  
"We do have a biology book that offers some information, would you  
like me to find it for you?"  
  
He nodded. He didn't think it would help him much, but at this point  
he'd settle for any kind of information he could get.  
  
"Great." Nina beamed. "You just sit yourself down at a table and  
I'll bring it to you." With that she wandered off. Xander sat down.  
  
After a couple of minutes she came back with a large book in hand.  
"Do you want me to help you look it up?" Xander just nodded and she  
started leafing through the book.  
  
"Aha! Here it is honey. I'll leave you to it, but let me know if  
need anymore help OK?"  
  
"Yeah, thank you."  
  
"My pleasure Xander. Hope it helps." And with a smile she walked  
off, leaving him to read in peace. He warily looked down at the  
page. 'Sex Differentiation Disorders' it said. It looked to be just  
about a page. Sighing he started to read.  
  
**  
  
"Sex Differentiation Disorders  
  
HERMAPHRODITE (see Greek mythology for origin of word.)  
  
Accepted definition: A person born with both male and female sex  
organs. This is a vague, confusing and inaccurate definition. There  
are 3 labels of Hermaphrodites: True, Male pseudo and Female Pseudo.  
All are equally genuine.  
  
TRUE:  
  
A person born with both ovary and testicular tissue, this could be 2  
separate gonads (one of each) or a combination of both in one (an  
ovotestes). The genitalia can vary from completely male or female,  
to a combination of both or even ambiguous looking. The chromosome  
(karotype) compliment can be XX (female), XY (male), XX/XY (mosiac)  
or even XO (extremely rare). Those XX with female genitalia are  
raised female (some have even given birth). Those XY with male  
genitalia are raised male (a few have fathered children). The  
children born XX/XY or XO (with genitalia male or female are raised  
in the sex they look most like), Those born with ambiguous genitalia  
have many medical tests for the doctors to determine which sex they  
should be assigned. Doctors then recommend early surgery to make the  
child look physically like the sex assigned to them.  
  
CAUSES:  
  
The causes are not known, The medical community does know this is a  
very rare condition but do not have accurate figures to how many  
people have this condition (depending on the literature between 350-  
450 known cases).  
  
*  
  
FEMALE PSEUDO:  
  
A person born XX with normal female internal organs but with  
"masculanized" genitalia. They can appear more male then female or a  
combination of each.  
  
CAUSES:  
  
The most common is Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH) it occurs  
approximately 1:14,000 births. This is when the adrenal glands  
overproduce testosterone. It also has been recorded that some  
persons with this disorder had been exposed to progesterone-like  
drugs before they were born.  
  
*  
  
MALE PSEUDO:  
  
A person born XY with testes (usually in the abdominal cavity). The  
external genitalia are usually female but can be ambiguous.  
  
CAUSES:  
  
The most common cause is Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS). This  
is when the body doesn't respond to the androgen being produced.  
There are different variations: Complete (CAIS), and Partial (PAIS).  
This condition has a variety of names and occurrence rates.."  
  
**  
  
He closed the book with a sigh; he didn't understand all the text  
said but he understood enough to tell that none of it applied to  
him. What was he supposed to do now? He didn't want this, he didn't  
want to be a freak, and he just wanted to be a normal boy. He felt  
like crying again, why did weird stuff always happen to him?  
  
Nina came and she looked at him with concern in her eyes. He hastily  
wiped away the few tears that had escaped.  
  
"You OK Xander?" She asked and gently touched his shoulder.  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Find what you were looking for?"  
  
"Yeah. Thank you. I should.." He trailed off as he remembered  
something from the text. "There was something I wondered though."  
  
"Yes?" Nina prompted.  
  
"The text said I should see Greek mythology for the origin of the  
word hermaphrodite." He didn't think it was important, but it would  
be nice to know where the word came from. Especially since that was  
what he was now a hermaphrodite.  
  
The smile the librarian gave him was brilliant. "Greek mythology is  
one of my favorite subjects. It's all so interesting. Should I find  
a book about it for you?"  
  
"Please?"  
  
Still smiling she went off. Xander decided he loved her smiles. A  
smile from her just made him sure that everything would be all right  
in the end.  
  
"Here you go. I've found the proper section for you, have a good  
read."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
He looked at the opened book. It looked old and worn. The writing  
was in a script that looked difficult to read. With yet another sigh  
he started to read.  
  
"HERMAPHRODITUS: (hermafredi´tes), the beautiful son of Hermes and  
Aphrodite. He scorned the nymph Salmacis, who prayed they might  
never be separated. When Hermaphroditus swam in her stream, she  
combined with him, uniting male and female characteristics in one  
body hence the origin of the word hermaphrodite.  
  
Somewhat devastated about his change Hermaphroditus vanished from  
the Gods' realm. No one knew where he went but as he came back after  
a while, no questions were asked.  
  
However the details about his absence came forward when Ares, God of  
War, one day unexpectedly announced that he was marrying a mortal.  
The mortal was a young man named Joxer who was traveling with Ares'  
daughter Xena. The details of how these two came to be lovers are  
still unknown but it's believed that Strife (God of Mischief) and  
Cupid (God of Love) had something to do with it.  
  
If the announcement of the impending marriage surprised the pantheon  
of Gods, the revelation of Joxer's pregnancy completely floored  
them. While it was a well-known fact that male Gods could, with Hera  
the Queen of Gods' blessing, become pregnant and give birth to a  
child, it was completely unheard of for mere mortals. It was then  
revealed that Joxer was a hermaphrodite and at this point  
Hermaphroditus stepped forward.  
  
He told them that during his absence he had become pregnant and  
given birth to Joxer. As Joxer's father had been a mortal, whom had  
died shortly after the birth, leaving Hermaphroditus heartbroken and  
alone with a mortal child Hermaphroditus had decided that it would  
be best for Joxer to grow up among mortals. Hermaphroditus had then  
hidden Joxer among a pair of twins, created an illusion for the  
parents so they thought they had triplets.  
  
Some commotion followed this confession but in the end it was  
decided that Ares would be allowed to take Joxer as his consort and  
that Joxer should be made a god. He became the God of Peace and life  
on Olympus went on until their followers abandoned the gods when  
Christianity was introduced.  
  
It is believed that the Gods vanished completely but in some ancient  
texts there is mention of a prophecy, which will come to pass, and  
the Gods of Olympus will be freed from something called the  
Twilight. All that is known about this prophecy is that it somehow  
concerns the mortal descendants of War, Peace, Mischief and Love  
(they all had several mortal children). The prophecy itself is lost.  
"  
  
While it was all very interesting it was just fiction and Xander  
slammed to book closed, defeated. He left the book with Nina, giving  
her a smile and thanks and left for home. During his walk he decided  
that this change was just something he had to accept. As far as he  
knew it was nothing he could do. It was just another thing for him  
to hide. As he hid bruises regularly, hiding this wouldn't be much  
of a problem. Or so he thought.  
  
**  
  
  
  
  
AN: I don't know about this. I haven't got the plot completely outlined  
yet but I decided to give it a try. (And yes it'll be a crossover.)  
I will be prioritizing the Buffy/HP crossover though.   
  
Blah blah ..   
  
  
  
  
The hermaphrodite facts are from Hermaphrodite Education and Listening Post:   
http://www.jax-inter.net/~help/ 


End file.
